The Analog Internet

There's something much better than the regular Internet -it's the analog Internet. On the analog Internet, Everything is much warmer and fuller on the analog Internet. You're probably reading this post on the regular digital internet, but if you were on the analog Internet, you'd say, "wow. Warm post!"

The Analog Internet has this effect because it runs on tubes instead of cold, integrated circuits (brr!). A computer on the analog Internet usually has a vinyl hard disk. Also, it uses different connections. Think of two cups connected by a string. Then think of a bunch of cups and strings, all tangled up. Now, put one cup in your computer's cup holder. You're on the analog Internet.

Everyone knows the regular digital internet was invented by Al Gore and Prince, when they worked together at Los Alamos. The analog internet was invented by two kids in a garage, and they Did It Yourself. It's warm like those kids, higher highs and lower lows. When you go to MySpace on the analog internet, all those people come alive and leap from the screen, shouting and dancing around!

When I was a kid, my Granpda said once "hey - come here and watch me get the latest ocean temperature measurements from Scripps." He dialed a number on the phone, and stuck the head set into the rubber fake ears attached to his computer. As a kid I thought, "oh ok, that's what you do", but later I realized how weird that was.

Someday soon, no one will remember what a modem sounded lke. "Screeeeeeeeeeeee HEwa crumbcrumbcrumbcumbs shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhfzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz".